Doctrines of Demons, Part 3: Enablement

Breaking the enablement cycle. Enablement leads to spiritual bondage for both giver and receiver.

Enablement is a brokenness common among Christians and nonbelievers alike. It opposes the instruction of Scripture, leads believers further away from Christ, and perpetuates lies, qualifying as a doctrine of demons. Though it often begins with good intentions, it ends in bondage of the enabler and receiver alike. Many hardworking, well-meaning Christians stand ignorant of the harm they continually pronounce upon others. It deceitfully convinces the offeror – the enabler – to help others even when it is to the clear detriment of the recipient. Enablement ignores the broader council of Scripture, teachings of true love and maturity, and deceitfully sets the enabler up to be their own idol; enablement is self-idolatry, a breaking of the first commandment.

What is Enablement?

Simply put, enablement is helping another, but to their harm. The aid provided may be spiritual or physical, but enablement hinders God’s purpose in both parties. It can be observed in faithful ministers, boldly proclaiming the word of God, but never challenging their flock to mature, resulting in perpetually adolescent Christians feeding from the minister’s table instead of God’s. In the same way, Christian parents can perpetrate this behavior. Raising kids, they never require they grow up, spiritually or psychologically, resulting in immature members of church, of society, and always joined to the parent emotionally and/or financially. Christians, we must dispense the grace of God in wisdom.

Enablement ultimately leads to destruction. Consider this example of enablement’s progression: An enabler good-heartedly helps someone get out of a bad situation in which they repeatedly place themselves, thus shielding them from the consequences of their actions. The enabler receives self-affirmation (or similar benefit), knowing they’ve helped another in need, but secretly resents the receiver for their senseless requirement of aid. Then, over time, the receiver becomes dependent upon the enabler and never learns the lessons of their error, being shielded from the discipline of the Lord. Their attitude morphs from gratitude to entitlement, and ultimately to bitterness when the enabler ceases to provide help. This relationship is now co-dependent, and void of Christ. In contrast, Jesus prayed that all believers, “may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you” (John 17:21).

Spotting Enablement in Ourselves

We must examine our motivations and the fruit of our efforts. When seeing a loved one struggle, does our desire to assist spring from Christ, or rather is it the urgency of fear? Does the aid we provide help someone out of a bad situation, or enable them to continue in brokenness? If we don’t help, would we be disobeying the Holy Spirit, or would we be acting to protect the other person from failure?

This may surprise you, but God is a great parent, and he allows his kids to fail all the time 🤔. I can personally testify to this. God often works through our crisis, so it isn’t something to avoid. Need scriptural evidence? Check out Exodus. Like, all of it.

Let’s consider a couple examples for context. In the case of an alcoholic, enablement may be purchasing their drug for them or providing funds to do so, mixing their drinks, covering their missteps taken while intoxicated, or softening the blow of any legal correction provided. In a less-obvious situation, it can be a parent who perpetually sides with their child against a school, knowing their kid deserves the correction the institution is trying to provide. In both of these examples, notice how enablement might hide behind good intentions.

Correcting Enablement

Providing mercy and grace to a loved one is one thing, but once it is clear the results of our efforts merely protect the recipient from the weight their poor decisions, aid must cease and confrontation in love should begin.

“Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20).

To be clear, many enablers don’t realize what they are doing…at least not at first. However, all enablers receive a benefit for the “help” they provide. Enablement is initiated not from the receiver, but the enabler. Like any sin, we enablers must trace it back to the benefit received. Is it self-worth? The slaking of a fear? Covering one’s distrust of God? Only the enabler can name the benefit they receive for their sin. Trace it back to its origin, then repent. The solution is as easy as that. “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 4:17).

In nature, a she-wolf’s milk will begin to diminish with the age of her pups, encouraging their dependence upon solid foods and ultimately, their independence. Pups leave their family at around one to two years of age and seek a mate to create their own pack, or to join that of another. Likewise, the end goal of Christian discipleship is to create yet more disciples who are independent, established in God, and knowing from Whom to seek answers. There is a time in every believer’s life for milk, but the teacher must anticipate when to wean.

“For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” (Hebrews 5:12-14)

Church

Teachers, challenge your pack. You won’t lose members, but gain steadfastness. Don’t beat them with Scripture, but lovingly exhort, like a she-wolf growling at her adolescent pup still wanting to nurse. Read the book of James. Preach it first to yourself. Then, exhort your pack to grow in the Lord and the ministry of His Holy Spirit.

Consider this: Paul planted churches, ensured the Holy Spirit was received by them, then left! Gone. Vanished. Abandoned them…but to God. Yes, he wrote them and stopped by once or twice to visit, but they had no New Testament canon – only an oral story of how God sent Jesus Christ and fulfilled the law of the old. Paul trusted them to the ministry of the Holy Spirit because he taught them what that meant. Exhort your pack to pursue God all day, every day; to see Him in everything, because He is (Ephesians 1:23). Growl at your spiritual pups when it’s time for them to be weaned to solid food. How?

Teach maturity. God changed my relationship with Him from one of rebellion to submission through a bold minister who taught the biblical roles of husband and wife, well before I was even married. Speak truth. Yes, in love. However, no Christian wants to be coddled. On the contrary, we will rise to the challenge. We know we’ve been called to a higher standard, that our lives hold meaning and intense purpose. Dispense it. “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8). Though your pack is diverse, including new believers and old, Christ seldom spoke to where people were, but to where He wanted them to be. The parables were not given to be easily understood, but to challenge deep insight into spiritual matters. Reference Matthew 13:10-17 for this truth. Even the disciples asked Jesus what He meant by them.

But lastly, ministers, spiritual maturity does not equal theology. Though important, theology is but man’s attempt to categorize God. Think about that for a second. Just the suggestion of defining God is wrought with conflict. We humans have a history of setting up our theology as an idol, sacrificing Christian fellowship upon its altar. Read Scripture and teach what the Holy Spirit lays on your heart, not the efforts of man. Imitate Christ.

Parents

Parents, prepare your children for independence; spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I’m not saying you will never be around to encourage your adult children. It is a parent’s joy to help their kids, just as Christ rejoices when we seek aid from Him. But be wise.

Many good-hearted parents, wanting to help their children, never cut the apron strings, nor prepare their children for such an event. The result is spiritually dwarf pups, perpetually returning to their mother to nurse.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This act is often called “leaving and cleaving” as that is the language from the King James version, and it is critical for success in marriage, for the new couple to cut themselves off from their parents and become their own entity before God. But it doesn’t matter whether a child is headed toward marriage or not.

We must encourage our children to take ownership of their own spiritual state, prepare them to leave our spiritual house, and foster their own relationship with the Lord. Provide every opportunity for their maturing in matters of responsibility and finance. The first job they hold and the first customer they serve should not be after high school. The first home chores assigned not in middle school. Let your children enjoy their childhood, but as a loving parent never lose sight of their next phase of life.

“For whom the Lord loves He corrects,
Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” (Proverbs 3:12)

Break the Cycle

Ultimately, the solution to enablement is Stop it! Yes, on a spiritual level it is Repent! as explained earlier, but true repentance will lead to cessation of the practice. Enablement is a lie. It says, “I’m the only one that can help them with this problem. If I don’t, they’ll fail.” It is setting oneself in the position of God, breaking the first commandment. As if, if we don’t intervene, God will cease to be God. As if failure is always a bad thing. No. As teachers, God gives us a flock. As parents, children. As Christians, fellow disciples. Let us cease enabling dysfunction, reject the demonic doctrine of enablement, and instead encourage one another to grow in our personal relationship with God.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25)